Who Likes Conflict?

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I doubt many people would say they enjoy conflict.  In fact most people I’ve heard hate it.  Why is this?

We pay millions of dollars every year to go see blockbuster movies that are all based around some type of conflict.  We are enamored by TV shows that deal with what?  That’s right: conflict.

I know I hate conflict.  And I’m starting to ask myself why?

Shouldn’t I appreciate it?  Shouldn’t I look at it as an opportunity to also come to a resolution?

No conflict is not always pretty, it’s often ugly, it’s the furthest thing from glamorous. But if I simply change my thinking and my mindset on the cause and effect of conflict, will I begin to view it differently and respond to it differently?

I’m not 100% sure, but I am interested in finding out.

Long Week

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The week is finally over for me.  I don’t know why, but this week has been incredibly long. One of those weeks you are glad is over.  I don’t even fully know why.  Regardless though I am content now to be sitting drinking some coffee, and catching up on some social media and writing.

My wife is busy studying (grad school fun), and my daughter is trying to figure out how to put on her mommy’s shoes while watching Mary Poppins, her 2nd favorite movie (2nd only to The Sound Of Music, she has a thing for Julie Andrews).

Honestly I feel a little lazy today, and despite working on some taxes for my wife’s business and reworking our budget, I am not doing much at all today.

The crazy thing….that’s okay.  We all need some downtime every now and then.  It won’t last long.  Tomorrow I will be going a mile a minute, and hitting the gym harder than ever, but for now.  I am enjoying the stillness.

The Hard Days

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Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could hide in bed all day? Sooner or later we all have one of those days.  We don’t really feel like going to work at the crack of dawn, we’re tired of our diet, or our exercise program.  We feel worn out, tired.

There’s one thing that really helps on days like this.  My wife and daughter.  Somehow they are more than enough motivation to be strong another day.  To work hard, to do my best to be honorable.

Sure that doesn’t mean every day I have it all together.  In fact rarely if ever is life all together.  Each day has its challenges, its hardships, its battles we must fight.

Don’t be afraid to be weak some days.  It happens.  Sometimes you do need to come home and take a nap, sometimes you do need a break and just rent a movie and chill with your friends, your loved one, or your spouse.

In fact it’s these simple pleasures that we find in those we love that make the hard days worth it.

Unless it Hurts

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There are certain things in life that just don’t get us where we need to go without pain.  Why this is I don’t know.

The whole process of working out is pain.  When you lift weights you literally are tearing your muscles.  It’s painful, it’s not a fun experience. I think if we could just naturally get built, or in great shape with a snap of the fingers we would do just that…..but in doing that we would miss out on a lot.

It’s the pain that builds us, not just in a physical sense, but it builds our character, our emotion, who we are as a person.

I can look back on things that have hurt me in the past, some of them were brought on by my own stupid decisions, others were caused by people or situations.  While I don’t relish the thought of those times, I know they have helped shape me into who I am, and for that I am grateful.

Use your hurt and pain to become a better person.

Seeing The Best

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It’s really easy to be judgmental.  Whether it’s social media, the news, our coworkers, there always seems to be someone doing something that we disagree with, or don’t think is right.

But that is okay.

What makes us all unique is our difference in opinions.  So what if our friend doesn’t see things the same way as us?  So what if our family member, likes this and we like that?

See the best in people, even if you don’t agree with what a lot of things they do, find something you can praise them for, find something to encourage them in.

Another thing that tends to be common is if we don’t argue our side of it then we think we are giving in to their viewpoint.  This is crazy!  Arguing a point isn’t going to make them change their mind, it’s just going to make both them and ourselves mad.

It’s okay to agree to disagree, respect people, respect their viewpoints, yes even if you disagree with them.  To them, their viewpoint is just as valid as your own.

The Problem Is Me?

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It’s really easy to blame people.  And if we don’t blame them, then it’s really easy to make an excuse why what they are saying is totally true.  “but you don’t understand…”

It’s so easy to fall into this.  We want to save face, we want to do good.  We can’t be perceived as weak, fragile, or as being in the wrong.  We have to be strong and perfect.

Um, no.

First off being perfect is impossible, second, when we try to act like we are, we usually end up just being a jerk to those around us. When we try to be perfect, and try to uphold that we end up pushing those close to us away,

We end up hurting the ones we love because we become so focused on how we must be right, that we stop taking into consideration we might be wrong.  We get puffed up, and pride sneaks in.  It takes over and before we know it, we have become the “me-monster”.

Admit that you are not the greatest thing to walk the earth, admit when you fall short and fail.  It’s okay, we all have our moments.  Ask for forgiveness, forgive yourself, and learn from your mistakes, then move on.

You will be amazed how much more helpful this is, then trying to pretend you are right to begin with.

I’m Not Perfect

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I’m just now starting to come to terms with something.

It seems like from all apparent reasons it should be obvious, but it’s not.

I’m not perfect…no duh right?  But it is a duh moment for me.

You see, I’ve lived my whole life feeling like I have had to have everything together…my job, finances, house, family.  You name it.

And the sad part?  I believed that I was practically perfect.

I believed it so much it led me to being fake, it led me to striving so hard to look a certain way, act a certain way, and talk a certain way. My whole life it was, do what this person wanted, say what they want to hear, say what they expect, or you won’t be good enough.

This led to building walls around the real me….until I can’t even see myself anymore they are so thick.

Everything I’ve ever done wrong, there was a reason why it wasn’t my fault, there was something that caused it.

Of course this was just bull-s@*!

Just one more way to avoid looking as if I was imperfect.

It’s a heck of  way to make yourself miserable.  A heck of a way to distance yourself from people.

Now I know, you might be thinking, no….you?  The one who writes all these inspiring blogs about changing the world, following your dreams, and going after the important things?

Yep.

Truth is I don’t take my own advice half the time because God forbid I might look imperfect in going after those things.

Truth is I suck sometimes.  I do.  I don’t say this in a depressing/emo sense, I say it just as a fact.  The sky is blue, the grass is green, and sometimes I suck.

Me, who has everything together, is very imperfect.

The crazy part?  That’s ok….

My wife who is amazing for putting up with a very stubborn/fake person a lot of times, told me a great quote “Imperfections are not inadequacies”.

 

 

Social Media Is Our New Girlfriend

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We have a tendency to lose ourselves in social media from time to time.  We forget that real life and real relationships are all around us.  We lose ourselves in trying to find out what all our friends have done today by reading their posts, rather than getting coffee with them.

We have a tendency to create our Facebook face, the parts that only the world can see, and hide all the parts we are ashamed of.  It’s easier, in a friendship you have to be real in order to maintain a strong friendship.  In social media you can be fake.

Sometimes we need to unplug.  When you come home after a long day work you don’t need to run to your laptop, you need to connect with your family, your significant other, or whoever you share your home with.

Don’t just post a status telling your friend you are thinking about them, call them up, set up a coffee date, go do something fun with them.

Social media has literally become like a girlfriend or boyfriend for many of us, and sadly at the expense of the important people in our life.

Social media is good, but don’t put it in a place it doesn’t belong.

Moved In

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I went MIA on Saturday due to moving, and then internet didn’t get hooked up until late this morning so my blog is late today.

Moving is always a challenge, but somehow it always gets done, and we managed to have every box unpacked by the next day.

I read something interesting this morning, it talked about how when someone approaches us on an area we haven’t been doing too good in, we tend to excuse why we exhibited that behavior, or action.  I am really guilty of this.

As soon as someone says you did, I tend to immediately come back with, “yes but…”, not a good response.  In truth some criticism can be good, especially if it comes from those who we know and trust.  Sometimes someone can simply ask why I did something, and rather than really think about the why, and see if maybe I have room for improvement, I just come up with my reason of why.

How much more can we grow if we don’t make excuses and really ask ourselves why.