Fears, Doubts, and Worrying

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I was talking with a very good friend of mine and we were discussing how hard it is sometimes to find your purpose or value.  I’ve gone through times when I’ve had struggles with identifying with who I am as a person.

This came from a lot of different things.  Including hiding a lot of who I was, fearing that things I wanted to do or be were not acceptable.  Then add on the aspect of having a family to care for and needing to provide for them.

Both of these combined kept me from really allowing me to come out.  I tended to live a life of lies, or at best just stuffed down who I was.

This may seem like not a bad thing, but it is really bad for you when it builds up over years, you lose sight of who you are and forget what is important to you.  couple this with fear, fear of the world, of others opinions, and you have a recipe for a possible breakdown.

It’s taken me a long time to rediscover who I am.  I’ve had to for my own personal well being as well as for my wife’s and child’s sake.  They need me to live out my life.  We often think that if we give everything we have to our family it is a good thing.  Don’t get me wrong we need to make sacrifices and provide for our families, but when we make our family everything we actually hurt them.

Because your family needs you, and your individuality as much as it needs you for them.

Lay aside the fear, the doubt, the worry.  Take up your dreams, your passions, and your life and live it to the fullest.  You and your family won’t be happy until you do.

I Confess

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I confess that I like doing things the safe way, the way I know.  Things that disrupt my normal schedule have a tendency to freak me out….or rather had.  Over the past couple years I have learned to enjoy the unknown.  While I’m not totally at ease with it, I still find it to be interesting, and more exciting than simply routine on a daily basis.

Routine can be good and we all have to have it to a degree, but it can completely stifle us to where we forget what is important and we forget who we are.  We become robotic people simply going through the motions.

We can’t let the routine stuff and the “little” stuff of life to get us down or get us blind-folded into believing there is nothing more to life than our four walls and our own home. Our home is a great place, but we aren’t meant to simply live inside our four walls and make our castles and raise our children without leaving the house.

We were meant to lead, to create, to inspire, to help, to serve, and to build.  And while some of that can go on in our own home, we are meant to take those things into the world.

Stop Using Your Kids As An Excuse

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My wife and I discovered something after we had a child.  It’s really hard for us to ever hang out with anyone with kids.  Most of our friends are either single, or married without children.

Why is this?  Well, it’s pretty simple, we’ve found a lot of parents who use there kids as excuses of why they can’t do something.

As a parent now for 2 years I don’t understand this concept at all. My wife and I have a lot going on, between both of us working going to school full time, hitting the gym 5 times a week, plus my wife runs a non-profit, as well as her own business. This is aside from our blogging, e-books, and other projects we have going on.  Yes we are extremely busy, but we don’t know any other way.

So naturally we brought our child into the world expecting her to be a go getter.  And that she is.  When she knows we are going somewhere she runs and grabs her shoes, starts laughing hysterically and then proceeds to beat on the front door until we leave.  She loves to be on the go as much as her parents.  She is very used to going everywhere, she never meets a stranger, and has no fear of anything.

We love this, we want her to see by example how to live a full life.  As a dad it scares the crap out of me all the time when I hear crazy stories in the news, and I will probably be stalking her first boyfriend. But I want her to experience life, and experience it fully. I don’t want her to see her parents just wasting away time, watching TV and staying inside the house.  She is already learning this.

Kids are not an excuse not do things, they are all the more reason to do things.

I’m Back

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Back to normalcy.

It’s always bittersweet coming back from vacation, it’s always nice to get back to normal life and back in a routine, but it also sucks not being free to do whatever you want to in a day.

My wife and I got back yesterday from our cruise in the Caribbean. It was great to see our daughter again after a week away from her, and now the ten loads of laundry and grocery shopping begins.

We hit the ground running our first day back. College starts for both of us, back to work, meetings, and the like. Workouts were great on the cruise ship despite the small gym, the view made up for it.

I went unplugged for the week, naturally unplugged from phones and internet because on a cruise ship the price to get online could fund your own personal boat fund.

I love being connected with all of you digitally, but I will say I think we all need a break at least once a year from all forms of social media. It gives us a chance to refocus and renew, and that’s exactly what this vacation allowed us to do. This wasn’t the first cruise my wife and I went on. I think the thing we most like about it, is that we are completely free to come and go as we please. We are blessed with grandparents who watch our child for the week so we can be by ourselves.

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Free to laugh, to eat whenever we want, stay up however late, go to the gym whenever.

While vacation is awesome, the best thing about it, is getting time to reevaluate where you are in life, make new goals, new plans, new deadlines, so that you come back to life renewed, and ready to hit the pavement.

Vacation was amazing, and being back is equally so.

50 Shades of Hypocrisy

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First off let me just say that I really can’t stand Christians sometimes.  Yes I am one, but I still can’t stand them at times.  Unless you haven’t been on social media lately I’m sure you’ve heard something or another about the movie 50 Shades of Gray, when I first starting seeing all the controversy I hadn’t even heard of it, so knowing it was sensitive content I asked my wife to look it up and read me some articles about it.

One thing I will probably never understand is why “Christians” pick and choose what they are going to demonize and what they don’t.   No one is above sin, we all do really stupid and wrong things, I do them, and so does everyone else.  But admit to that.

So it baffles me when we watch dancing with the stars, family guy, or the latest bond movie that are filled with porn, and sexuality.  Now some might argue it’s not the same because it doesn’t take it to a certain level.  It’s like saying to your child, you can color on the wall with these markers but only 6 inches off the ground, any higher on the wall and you are in deep trouble.   It makes no sense.

I don’t understand why it’s such a “shocking” thing that movies and tv shows are continually getting worse…well it’s quite simple actually.  When you support shows, movies, or websites that show sex, talk about sex, demoralize fathers, and use women as objects…well it’s naturally going to progress into worse things.  People who make this content are seeing what brings in numbers and dollars, and frankly they are only producing what has been supported.

So please get off your high horse about banning “certain” movies while going to see others that are near as bad, you just like the other one so it’s okay.  Stop trying to get people to “like this page to show you don’t support something” while Iron Man makes out on your TV and you are posting a picture of some Hollywood hunk you think is hot.

As I said earlier, we all have our faults, our weaknesses, we all screw up, but stop trying to make it like you never do and people who do “this” or “that” or worse people.  We all have fallen short, and just because I or you haven’t done some certain thing doesn’t make us any better or worse than someone who has.

The Hard Days

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Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could hide in bed all day? Sooner or later we all have one of those days.  We don’t really feel like going to work at the crack of dawn, we’re tired of our diet, or our exercise program.  We feel worn out, tired.

There’s one thing that really helps on days like this.  My wife and daughter.  Somehow they are more than enough motivation to be strong another day.  To work hard, to do my best to be honorable.

Sure that doesn’t mean every day I have it all together.  In fact rarely if ever is life all together.  Each day has its challenges, its hardships, its battles we must fight.

Don’t be afraid to be weak some days.  It happens.  Sometimes you do need to come home and take a nap, sometimes you do need a break and just rent a movie and chill with your friends, your loved one, or your spouse.

In fact it’s these simple pleasures that we find in those we love that make the hard days worth it.

Social Media Is Our New Girlfriend

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We have a tendency to lose ourselves in social media from time to time.  We forget that real life and real relationships are all around us.  We lose ourselves in trying to find out what all our friends have done today by reading their posts, rather than getting coffee with them.

We have a tendency to create our Facebook face, the parts that only the world can see, and hide all the parts we are ashamed of.  It’s easier, in a friendship you have to be real in order to maintain a strong friendship.  In social media you can be fake.

Sometimes we need to unplug.  When you come home after a long day work you don’t need to run to your laptop, you need to connect with your family, your significant other, or whoever you share your home with.

Don’t just post a status telling your friend you are thinking about them, call them up, set up a coffee date, go do something fun with them.

Social media has literally become like a girlfriend or boyfriend for many of us, and sadly at the expense of the important people in our life.

Social media is good, but don’t put it in a place it doesn’t belong.

Moved In

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I went MIA on Saturday due to moving, and then internet didn’t get hooked up until late this morning so my blog is late today.

Moving is always a challenge, but somehow it always gets done, and we managed to have every box unpacked by the next day.

I read something interesting this morning, it talked about how when someone approaches us on an area we haven’t been doing too good in, we tend to excuse why we exhibited that behavior, or action.  I am really guilty of this.

As soon as someone says you did, I tend to immediately come back with, “yes but…”, not a good response.  In truth some criticism can be good, especially if it comes from those who we know and trust.  Sometimes someone can simply ask why I did something, and rather than really think about the why, and see if maybe I have room for improvement, I just come up with my reason of why.

How much more can we grow if we don’t make excuses and really ask ourselves why.

 

Don’t Think You Are

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“Don’t think you are; know you are.” – Morpheus

There are so many times in our lives when we think we don’t know the answer to something when in reality we know all too well.  We think it is a hard decision, but we know deep in our gut what we should do. The problem is that we let others’ thoughts become our own.  We abandon what we feel what we know to be true deep within us for the act of pleasing someone else, or living up to society’s expectations.

And then we say we don’t know.  Of course we do!  We know exactly what we want, we know what desires lie deep within us, what cares and feeling we harbor.

The true questions we need to ask ourselves is are we going to put into action what we already know, or are we going to ignore it and pretend we don’t know, using that as an excuse to stay stagnant, or head the wrong direction.

Don’t think…know…after all, you already do know.

 

 

Believe in Yourself

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Often times when we set out to chase our dream it doesn’t always go as planned.  Not the actual chasing of your dream part, but the remarks and criticism of others.

Others will not believe in your dream.  They will call you crazy, say you are being unwise, say you are being irresponsible, and many more things.  Now I’m not saying everyone, I hope that your spouse or significant other encourages you to fulfill your dream.

Most of the time this stems from people being to insecure or to afraid to go after their own dreams and so they feel that no one should go after their dreams.

Now if you have responsibilities such as a family and need to provide for them, that may adjust how you need to pursue your dream, while still maintaining your responsibilities, but otherwise, go after your dream, no matter your age.  Find what makes you alive and do it.  That thing you’ve always talked about and have always wanted to do, why not do it?  You have one life.  Are you going to wake up one day and say “I’m glad I didn’t try.”?  Or are you going to have regrets if you at least don’t give it a shot.

So go out there and try.  And please ignore the naysayers, they are everywhere, they don’t understand your dream and they don’t have to.  Be you, and believe in yourself.