When You Don’t Want To

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There are a lot of times in life when you simply won’t feel like doing things.  This is when you have to fight your mind.

Your mind can be one of two things, either your greatest ally, or your worst enemy. Everything we do we have to decide to do it first.  And once we decide we have to keep deciding every day.

The funny thing is though, your mind will play tricks on you.  It will tell you you’re not strong enough, good enough, or smart enough.  It will believe all those little dig comments that people throw your way.  It takes all those things and tries to make you believe them.

But you have to choose what you are going to believe.  You have to choose to tell yourself, to tell your mind that you are capable of overcoming any obstacle, you are capable of facing any fear, you are capable of learning anything you need to know.

In truth, even your mind doesn’t realize the potential you have, which is why you have to remind on a constant, daily basis how far you can go.  How good you can get, and how hard you can work.

So take charge over you brain, show it who’s boss, and go out and conquer your world.

Be Bold

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Be brave. Be bold. Be heroic. Be courageous.

If you fail to do all these things chances are you will not have many experiences in life, because getting out there, taking risks, taking chances, and trying out opportunities requires you to be all those things.

But the best part?  The more you take chances, the more you act bold, the more you find your boldness, the easier it becomes.  That initial fear of trying something new may never completely go away, but eventually if you continue to face it, you won’t think twice about it, and it definitely won’t stop you or hold you back.

Live boldly.  Live fiercely.  Try, try , and try again.  You will have so many opportunities the more you try, you will meet people, and go places you never dreamed as you try, try, and try again.

So go for it.  Start being bold today.

Quit Twiddling Your Thumbs

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There is a time for deliberation….but there is also a time for action.

Deliberation without action gets you absolutely nowhere.  In a war, if military leaders did nothing but deliberate, eventually they would lose for lack of action.

Deliberation is a good thing. It’s good for us to think carefully about our actions, our roles in life, our words that we speak.   This all demonstrates caution and carefulness.

But often we get so focused on the decision making process, and so scared that we will make the wrong decision that we just quit and don’t make any decision.  And so we stay stuck, and wonder why nothing in our life ever changes.

Um, hello?  Start acting.  You can go over things in your mind so much that wear yourself out with the “what ifs” and “possibilities”.

Think about things but not for too long.  If you’ve thought something out then act  on it.  The worst that can happen is that you fail, and you go back to the drawing board, but at least you got out there and tried.

And next time, you now know something that doesn’t work, so you plan again, then go out and do it.

Do this enough times, and you will succeed.  It’s bound to happen.

So quit thinking away your dreams, and start living them.

The D Word

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Divorce is a pretty casual word these days.  To many it’s just something that is expected.  It’s viewed much like winter time…it’s inevitable that it will come.

The sayings go something like, “people change”, or “people fall out of love”.

Now before I go further, I want to say that I believe divorce is okay…in certain circumstances.  If abuse is going on either verbal or physical, you need to get out of that relationship.

If your spouse is cheating on you, you can get a divorce, you don’t have to live with that.

Outside of those two things, I am pretty against divorce and let me explain why.

When people get married there are a lot of expectations.  Let’s face it, most of us get married at a time in our lives when we don’t even really know who we are.  We grow up with all kinds of hurts and scars and we get married thinking the other person is going to fix and heal all our wounds, and we will ride off into the sunset together every night.

Then reality hits.  You get to know someone in marriage in a way that nothing else on earth compares to.  There are no more walls, no more pretenses, no more faking. It’s raw, real, and not always pretty.

After being married things often get very hard, because the structure of marriage causes all kinds of junk that we never even knew we had in our lives to come spewing out of us.  We chock this up to “people changing”.  But in reality it has nothing to do with that, that person didn’t suddenly morph into something else after you got married, it was there all along.

Here’s an argument that really gets me going. “We just fell out of love”.  I don’t believe you “fall out of love”.  I think it’s a cop-out.

Falling out of love is simply you not trying anymore, you give up.  Not just on the other person, but you give up on yourself.  “Falling out of love” is not a reflection of your relationship with your significant other, it’s a reflection on yourself.  There is some deep lack in your own life that have not addressed, and so you project that lack onto another person, thinking that you are just not with the right person.

Then you go and get with someone else, and shockingly…the same thing happens. Because guess what?  You still have the same issues in your own life that you are failing to deal with.

Staying in love with someone isn’t some sappy feeling…feelings come and go, they are extremely finicky.  Love is a decision that you deliberately make on a daily basis.  It’s a commitment you make, for better or for worse.

It’s a laying down of your self and saying, whether they deserve it or not, I am going to serve them to the best I can so help me God. And often times we need God’s help desperately to get us through dark times.  But if we are willing, He does, and He will.

So don’t give up on love.  Fight for it.  Fight hard.  Serve for it.  Give everything you’ve got. Examine yourself, realize you are messed up.  Stop focusing on the negative about your spouse, and start realizing the negative things in your own life, and just wait and see what will happen in your relationship.

Growing Each Other

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Have you ever had a friend who was dating or married to someone and you think to yourself, “I don’t know what he/she sees in the them?”  We tend to gravitate towards how one person’s lack may bring the other down, and so lead ourselves to believe that they are not good for each other.

But what if we approached this whole viewpoint differently.

You see we are very focused on us when it comes to relationships.  What can I get out of this, how does this person benefit me?

The ago old, “what’s it it for me” question.  But this isn’t the question we need to be asking.

Instead what if we approached our significant other with the mentality, “what can I give to this person?  What can I do that will make them stronger, will make them thrive?”.

You’ve probably heard it said many times how the greatest joy we can get is when we give to someone else.  It’s true.  And yet when it comes to our relationships, we don’t view it that way.  Instead we view it the opposite.

We come in with this crazy expectation that our significant other is going to fulfill every last need, and if they don’t then they are just not the right person.

But this is bull.  We have to approach our relationships with the mindset, “what can I offer, even if I never get anything back, what can I give.”

That and only that will truly bring change to your relationship.

Given Up

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You know what is a crazy thought?  How many more successful ideas, businesses, and relationships would there be if people simply didn’t give up.

How many people gave up right before success?

When we are striving towards something and we keep failing, it can be easy to give up.  We think that we will never make it, that our hopes and dreams are just destined to be shattered.  But we can’t see what the future holds, it could be that just one more day of trying will get us to our destination.

That’s the attitude we have to have.  Keep going, and keep trying.  Yes you will get sick of trying.  Yes you will want to quit.  Yes you will question why you started in the first place.

This is NORMAL. Everyone asks these questions when the going gets tough.  But what separates the successful from the unsuccessful is simply getting up the next day and trying again.

With enough perseverance anything is possible.  Don’t ever, ever, ever, give up.

Going The Distance

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It’s easy to start things.  We all make decisions, we say we are going to start a new diet, we are going to give up an unhealthy habit.  New Years rolls around and we tell ourselves all the amazing things we are going to change in our lives, and by the time February rolls around we are the same exact person.

Why is this?

We lack discipline.

We lack follow through.

There’s a lot of excitement when something first starts.  You have energy, motivation, and determination.  But then that initial high wears off, and you are left feeling drained. Feeling anything but determined.

But in those moments of weakness when you feel like giving up, that’s when you have to really press in.  That’s when you have to remind yourself of why you started in the first place.

We love results.  But the truth is sometimes it takes a very long time to see results.  That doesn’t mean things aren’t happening, they are.

So keep at it, don’t quit.  Go the distance, and you will be so glad you did.

 

Starting Over

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Sometimes we can look back at certain things and say “I wish I had (fill in the blank) sooner. We wish we could go back in time and talk to ourselves when we were younger.

This is inevitable, there will always be things that as we grow we wish we could redo.  But life doesn’t allow us to redo past things.

It does allow us to start new things.

We have this amazing thing every morning….it’s called a new chance.  No mistake, no slip up, no failure is final unless you allow it to be.

You have the ability to wake up and choose to live a different life.  To choose to be a better person, to choose to change careers, to choose to build your business, to choose to get that degree, to choose to travel.

You have the ability.  Sometimes that ability take a lot of mental preparation and thought change.  Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work.

It will cost something whether mental or physical, but you have the ability.  So stop living with regrets and start something new.

Start today.

Grow Up

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Is it just me or does it seem like there are a lot of people who just don’t want to grow up?  Our teen years are spent mostly wasteful, lost in relationships, video games, or other activities that won’t propel us in the future. College for many is one big game for many.

Statistically more and more 20 somethings are moving back in with their parents after college.

What is going on?

Now I know there are a lot of hard working young people out there busting there butt to make a difference, change their family background, and provide a great future for themselves or their family.

But for those who are 20 or older and still wallow away your days playing video games, not working, and bumming off mom and dad…..grow up.

Being 21 doesn’t make you an adult, it’s just a number that legally allows you to do a few more things.  I’ve known teenagers who were more adults than 25 year olds.

It’s all based on maturity, on ethic, and on character.

Don’t let life pass you by, work hard.  Get out in the world and meet people, make the most of your life.  Don’t wallow in uselessness.

Make the most of it.

Step Through The Door

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The door to your future is right in front of you.  It’s not locked.  It simply requires you to step forward, turn the knob and step through.

Some of us though get so stuck on the doorstep. We stay stuck and stand staring at the door, sometimes for years.  We stand there while we are miserable in our current job or circumstances.

Your degree plan, your job, these things are not a final death sentence.  If you hate where you are at.  Turn the knob and choose a different path.  Step through the door.  Don’t stay stuck.

We applaud heroes in movies when they step out of their comfort zone and do something noble, heroic, or daring, and yet when it comes to our own lives we let fear cripple and paralyze us.  We let fear stop us from chasing our goals.

The door is waiting.  You don’t have to sit around waiting to find it, or waiting for it to be built.  You already know what is in you to do.  Stop sulking around the doorstep, open it and walk through.